This article has been submitted by Nick Jarmo following our recent announcement that we are open to submissions. It’s a highly amusing piece based around the sort of rows we’ve all had growing up, rows that, if we’re honest, we still have.
Marty and I still disagree over who would win between a Predator and a Terminator (T-800 to be specific).
This is what happens when worlds collide.Chewie VS. Worf
By Nick JarmoTwo rival universes of the past and future meet one more time
Jurassic Park. 1996 AD. Nobody disputes that Jurassic Park was an awesome movie, or at least a great concept. Dinosaurs rock. As I sat in Nick VanderMolen’s basement in the Lombardo Barnyard listening to Heart of Gold, which had been on repeat for the last 12 hours, I realized something that nobody has ever realized before. Nobody. Ever since the Great Debate began back before I was even alive, there have always been problems putting arch-enemies toe-to-toe on equal soil. The characters of Star Trek and Star Wars could never have an unbiased match, primarily due to location. One always had some sort of advantage over the other. It wasn’t until years after I had seen Jurassic Park that I realized that it was the only environment in which a completely fair battle could take place. And so it began.
Everyone always loves to see the big guys fight. Like when Arnold fought that huge guy in that room full of pipes at the end of Commandos. That was hot. It’s no question about which big guys to pick from the Star Wars and Trek universes. Chewie and Worf. The two are meant for each other. During those crucial moments, they are the ones that kick the crap out of tons of people. You can count on it. So it’s quite obvious that they need to kick the crap out of each other.
Chewie vs. Worf
“There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams—not through her own fault but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart.” —F. Scott Fitzgerald — The Great Gatsby
I was 99.9% sure that “Red Tails” — or as I like to call it “Fly Boys” — would suck based on the previews alone, but now that I know George Lucas is behind it I’m 100% sure.
Remember when George Lucas didn’t suck?
“I done wrassled with an alligator, I done tussled with a whale, Only last week I murdered a rock, Injured a stone, hospitalized a brick, I’m so mean I make medicine sick.” —
- Muhammad Ali